Afraid to even step on the scale

I had a fantastic Christmas. I left work at around 3 p.m. on Tuesday and didn’t come back until this morning. From Wednesday to Sunday I ate like crap. Holiday candy, restaurants, buffets, shakes, more restaurants, and lots of snacking. I was around 362 pounds a couple of weeks ago. Wednesday’s weigh-in  is going to be tough.

I got a Wii for Christmas, plus a total of $650 in Christmas money between my wife and me. So, we used that money to buy a shitload of games. We have the following games, in no particular order:

1. Wii Sports — it comes with the console. Fun at first but quickly gets old. I got burnt out on it a long time ago when my friends first got a Wii.
2. Link’s Crossbow Training — this is a target-shooting game that came with the Wii zapper (a gun chassis for shooting games). There’s a lot of criticism on the Internet about how pointless the zapper is and that it’s insulting that Nintendo would think its customers would pay $20 for a plastic attachment. I disagree. The zapper makes shooting games MUCH easier and keeps my hand steady. Plus, Link’s Crossbow Training is actually fun.
3. Guitar Hero III — I’m not very good at this game, but I’m determined to get better. Right now, Medium mode is a little too easy for me, and Hard is too difficult most of the time (goddamn orange button). I feel like my time would be better spent perfecting my skills with a real guitar, but oh well. I probably won’t be as good as those pathetic guys who can do 90-100% on expert, but a respectable skill level is within reach. Never mind, Guitar Hero and respectable don’t really go together.
4. Guitar Hero World Tour — Much more fun because the music is actually recognizable to me, and the songs are original whereas its predecessors use re-recorded songs by singers who kind of sound like the original artist. More features, and I might actually get the other instruments.
5. Call of Duty World at War — I’ve always been obsessed with CoD, so I was very much excited to find that CoD for Wii incorporates a realistic shooting style and online play. I use the Wii Zapper for this, and I’m still getting used to the controls, but I have a feeling I’ll be playing this game the most because of the online multiplayer.
6. The Price is Right — My wife wanted this. It’s alright, but I can’t believe it was $40.
7. Soulcalibur — I love Soulcalibur, but the Wii version is a little too basic for me. The Wii-mote sword fighting is fun but it takes away the skill and strategy of the game. My wife, who rarely plays any fighting games, beat me just from waving the Wii-mote wildly in the air.
8. No More Heroes — An assassin/anime-style game. The high reviews are a little deceiving. I really like the game because of the cool fighting style, the graphics, and the violence, but it’s repetitive. There are only two different types of “goons” to kill (they all say the same two phrases), and the bosses are the typical “find-the-pattern, dodge-and-strike” type. There are also side games you have to play to earn money, and they are more irritating than fun.
9. Super Smash Brothers Brawl — I don’t understand the high reviews. Sure, it’s a fun game and there are even more characters this time around, but I was disappointed with the controls. You can literally plug in a GameCube remote and play it. I was expecting the game to incorporate the Wii-mote capabilities, but it’s basically a sequel to its GameCube predecessor. I’ll be playing it a lot, however, since it’s a great party game and I don’t own a GameCube.
10. Dance Dance Revolution: Hottest Party — I got this for the exercise. There’s nothing new or great about it except the annoying hand moves and gimmicks (I turned all that shit off). I just want to do fun cardio at home.

Wii shall be my life for a while.

Yack

Of course, the week that I turn my poor gym habits around, I get a stomach virus.

Slipping (weight loss, week 12)

Not with my diet, but with exercise.

I still eat my usual calorie range. I have cheat meals on the weekends, but I never eat more calories than I burn (Thanksgiving being the exception). I am eating decent food. Fruits, vegetables, whole grains. Even the frozen meals I’ve become so dependent on are healthy in terms of calories and nutritional value. I’ve taken a liking to the organic frozen meals made by Kashi, Amy’s Kitchen, and Archer Farms, all of which contain “food” ingredients instead of flavorings and chemicals.

I haven’t fallen back into any unhealthy eating patterns because I allow myself to go out to eat once a week. I’m proud of myself for being able to do that and make it a habit.

If only I could do so well with exercise.

At first, I was going to the gym several times week. It’s close enough to my house that I can’t make any excuses about inconvenience, but I’m just so tired all the time. All I ever want to do is nap. I can’t wake up in the morning unless it’s absolutely time to get up for work. When I get home, I am sleepy, I have a headache, and I need to feed the dogs. By the time I feel relaxed and possibly motivated to go to the gym, my favorite shows have started. After my shows, it’s 9:00 p.m. and it’s a good time to go to the gym. However, this is where discouragement plays a role. Every time I mention that I work out in the evening, I am told to try doing it in the morning. I get to the point where I feel like doing a night work-out is just futile, like it doesn’t really matter because the sleep is reversing my hard work.

When I focus on strength training (which I much prefer over cardio), I am told that I should be focusing on cardio to burn fat since I am so obese. If I consider an all-cardio plan, I feel like I would lose too much muscle and wouldn’t look thin.

So, I decide that things will be better when I get my Wii for Christmas and can do cardio at home. But I have a perfectly good punching bag already, which I don’t use. My other excuse is that I like to walk outdoors, but it’s much too cold. When it warms up again I’ll get back on the wagon. Another part of me says that weight loss is 80% diet anyway, and my calorie-cutting has been going very well.

I am baffled about my unwillingness to exercise, when I know that my energy levels will skyrocket and I would feel much less groggy if I just move around and start sweating.

I told myself I wouldn’t fall into the winter blues this year, but I guess it’s inevitable. I’m tired, worried about getting laid off at work because the company didn’t profit this year, and I feel like I should be doing much more with myself than just getting up, going to work, and coming home to watch TV and get on the Internet.

Things I want to do or feel like I should be doing:

1. Becoming part of a social club, whether it’s a book club, wine tasting, scrabble, dog lovers, etc. etc.

2. Working on my novel — I want to have a legitimately published book before I die.

3. Cleaning my car, interior and exterior. Cleaning the house, raking the yard, finish driving the rest of the screws in the fence boards in my back yard, burning the post-Gustav debris.

4. Educating myself or at least entertaining myself with books. Can you believe that I’ve written a book and want to write another one, yet I almost never read for fun? I barely read in college, and I have a degree in English.

5. Exercising. Casual games of basketball, walking the dog or playing frisbee with her, or just straight-up treadmill.

But my problem is that whenever I think about doing any of these things, I feel guilty about it, like I should be doing something else instead. So all I do is tell myself I’ll start reading for fun once I am out of college, because I barely read the books I need for class. Now I’m out of college and figure I’ll wait until my wife is out of college, too, so that she’s home more often and can share the chores.

I’ll work on my novel once I finish that big project at work. Once the holidays are over. Once I get the hang of this diet and exercising thing. I’ll do the major cleaning and maintenance stuff around the house…. tomorrow? I’ll join a social club when my wife has more time to herself and can accompany me.

I’ll exercise after my nap.

Week 9 of weight loss, still going strong

Well, kind of strong. I didn’t work out today — made excuses for myself, such as the slight soreness from golf yesterday.

My mother-in-law had a 15-year-old treadmill that she gave to us yesterday. I was excited to be able to have a treadmill at home. It would make me feel less awkward to try jogging if I’m by myself. Unfortunately, the treadmill doesn’t like how much I weigh. It stops and jolts intermittently because the motor isn’t strong enough. My wife can use it, though. I’ll have to stick to the gym for the next 100 pounds or so.

My diet is going well. I have cheat meals on the weekends and eat well during the week. I still hover around 1700-1800 calories a week, sometimes lower. When I cheat on Saturdays, I might consume about 3,000 calories. This is actually less calories than I burn in a day because of how big I am, so it’s not even hindering my weight loss that much.  I worry, though, that when/if my weight drops significantly (say another 80 pounds) those cheat meals will mean a whole lot more in terms of potential weight gain.

My diet is very carb-friendly, so I have to make sure I’m cutting calories. This week I planned for a lot of diet frozen dinners, frozen vegetables, yogurt, and Kashi GoLean crunch.

The next two weeks are going to be a game of “let’s hope I don’t gain weight.” For starters, I’m juggling two stressful projects at work until Wednesday of next week. With such a short turnaround, I foresee a lot of late evenings and the lack of motivation to go to the gym.

Add that on top of the following things:

1. Friday is my wife’s birthday – reservations at a fondue restaurant.

2. It’s her 21st birthday – my parents are accompanying us to a casino Saturday and treating us to the fabulous $30 buffet.

3. Her parents, of course, want in on the birthday festivities, too. They are taking us out to eat on Sunday.

4. Thanksgiving day is next week, and it’s being held at our house for lunch, then we have to go to our parents’ house for dinner.

5. We will have leftovers forced upon us.

I still have not succeeded in rejecting food, so I don’t know how I’m gonna get through this.

Week 8 of weight loss

I’m doing OK, but I did a really stupid thing this week: I decided to cut carbs.

The only real carbs I’ve had today was my smoothie this morning. After that, it’s been meat, green veggies, meat, and more meat. It’s 6:48 p.m. and I don’t have the energy to go to the gym, I feel lightheaded, and my body seems very confused.

Unfortunately, I bought 8+ pounds of lean ground turkey and beef yesterday and pre-cooked it into 20 patties, four for each day. The plan was to eat something with carbs in the morning, then four pieces of meat, 4 servings of vegetables, and 1 can of tuna or turkey throughout the day. It’s a good amount of food, slightly above the calories I’ve been regularly consuming, but I had no idea how I would feel without the carbs throughout the day.

It’s kind of a stupid idea, especially since my other way of weight loss was working just fine. I’ve been on the diet for 7 solid weeks, and I’m 20 pounds down with a noticeable gain in muscle and overall well-being. And I had to screw it up with another alteration.

Tomorrow, I’ll buy some hamburger buns, lettuce, and BBQ sauce to get me through this bad decision.

In other news, I’m starting to get into that comfort level at work where you realize you are or could be better at your job than some of the more experienced people there.

Also, I really, really want to get back to writing my novel. Why can’t I?

A bad day for weight loss

I suppose days like this are good to keep my body guessing and my metabolism as its potential.

The co-workers and I went to an Indian buffet to celebrate my office mate’s baby (they’re inducing labor next week). Despite all my new feelings about food, I ended up eating 1700-ish calories (purely a guess). It was worth it, but my biggest mistake was eating nothing before and, so far, nothing after. I also forgot to take my ephedrine/caffeine, so after lunch I could barely function. That could be blamed on the sudden withdrawal, the heavy lunch, or the fact that I might’ve overdone it on the exercise. 30 minutes of cardio followed by near-total-body weight training at the gym.

I left work early and went home to take a 2-hour nap since nothing was going on today, at all. In fact, nothing has been going on for the past 2 weeks. Ever had those days at the office?  The first two days of nothing are refreshing and fun, but after that you start to get bored, and then downright concerned about the necessity of your job.

It’s 7:40, and I’m still debating whether I should do my cardio today. The exhaustion pre-nap might’ve been my body telling me I needed to rest. To walk or not to walk? Or I could do the punching bag today.

In other news,

It seems as though my blog has been getting quite a few hits from a single search term: meathead. I mentioned my disdain for the meatheads at the gym in a previous post, so I can imagine that’s garnering some reads. For those of you who’ve made it to my blog via a random search term, feel free to comment on my posts.

Welcome to week 5 of weight loss

It’s easy, but at the same time, it’s pretty fucking hard.

I haven’t fallen off the wagon yet. I always eat more calories on the weekends, but I like to hold on to the personal theory that  “cheating” once a week will prevent my metabolism from slowing down. In fact, I’ve made a science of it. I do it for that reason. Plus, I don’t want to deprive my wife of restaurant dining for the rest of her life. 

The eating part of my new plan is easy. Hell, I eat all day now. I start with some kind of Weight Watchers frozen breakfast and some yogurt, then a couple hours later I have fruit, then a Weight Watchers lunch, then fruit again, then oatmeal, then it’s dinner time (another low-cal meal). After that, I usually have a bowl of 94% fat free popcorn or a meal bar. All of that still only adds up to 1500 calories.

And then there’s the hard part. Am I eating enough calories? Some say no, because of this little thing called “Starvation Mode,” while I read other stories that document obese people who lost over 100 pounds with similar caloric intake.

Starvation mode is basically the process of your body adjusting to the low calorie intake and conserving most of the energy you put in rather than burning it off as usual.

…..

UPDATE: I had over a thousand words typed up. I talked about my weaknesses, my addiction to food, my pessimistic views on weight loss, and my new outlook on eating. When I clicked publish, wordpress had logged me out. All that beautiful text is gone.

So, a little word of advice: write your shit in a word processor and save it.

Since the post was mostly rambling and learning about myself along the way, I’ll treat this as an opportunity to rewrite my thoughts coherently post-epiphany.

Most dieters seem to have trouble giving up the small edible pleasures, like soda, chocolate, and other sweets; additionally, these same people might hate vegetables, whole grains, and fish. Those who successfully overcome their cravings (or at least learn to moderate them) tend to lose a significant amount of weight. But I don’t crave chocolate very often, I always take my coffee black, and I stopped drinking soda years ago. I love most foods and have no problem eating vegetables, fish, and whole grains. In fact, I dislike the following everyday foods in their unaccompanied form: Milk, cream cheese, and… I think that’s it. Restaurants would love me as a food critic. I only judge the food harshly if the service sucked.

Does this mean that I’m well on my way to success since my brain doesn’t have to battle any insane withdrawal symptoms? Or does it mean my body is accustomed to going without these things, making weight loss even more difficult since I don’t have as many sacrifices to work with?

Just because I can drink water and eat vegetables and grains all day long, however, doesn’t mean I am without weaknesses. Fats and carbs are my little demons. I’d eat a baked potato with butter, sour cream, cheese, and bacon bits at every meal if I could. French fries are amazing – the thicker the better. I am known to eat a bowl of plain white rice or pasta, seasoned with some butter, garlic, and salt. I can eat fried shrimp like popcorn. I’ve finished an 8-piece from Popeye’s many times.  I invented fourth meal. I loved going home from the bar at 1 a.m. with a bag full of Taco Bell to munch on in front of late-night infomercials.

Food made me happy. I have a loving wife, a good job (how many people can say they’re in the job they’ve wanted since grade school?), a house, two dogs, wonderful friends and parents, and talent in music and writing. But food made me happy. What?

I looked forward to date night with my wife for the restaurant food, movie popcorn, the late night ice cream, etc. I left work excited about the large pizza I planned to order that night and eat by myself while the wife was at work. I’d choose a buffet over a regular restaurant any day. Sometimes, I’d drive aimlessly around town at dinner time, trying to decide on what I wanted to get. I had been to all the drive-throughs so many times that I just couldn’t figure out what I was craving anymore. The result of this trip was usually various items from 2-3 different places. I wondered what those cashiers thought of me when they saw the other food bags sitting in the passenger seat with no passenger. But I didn’t care either way.

Does that sicken you? It finally sickens me, too.

I’ve given that up. I’m in my fifth week, going strong. I suppose these confessions are better saved for when/if I actually succeed at losing all this weight, but maybe by getting it all out right now, I’m showing myself what I would be going back to if I gave up.

Today, after work, I could skip the gym and the one-mile brisk walk around the block and instead order a large supreme pizza to keep me busy while I watch TV until I fall asleep. This is the first time in my life that such a thought sounds terrible to me rather than comforting.

I had to convince myself to hate that style of eating. Otherwise, nothing would’ve stopped me from going back. I’ve always been an independent person who hates to be told anything. I tried various diets, lasting a week on average. They were all crash diets, and all equally as pointless. Instead of cutting portions, I was eliminating most foods. Ever heard of the cabbage soup diet? Did it. Atkins? Sugar Busters? Hollywood diet? Metabolife pills and shakes? Did ‘em. And let’s not forget the Slim Fast diet, the Special K diet, and probably a few more whose details lie among the brain cells I lost during all these deprivation attempts.

I won’t say these diets don’t work, because most of them didn’t enjoy my presence long enough to produce results. On every single diet, the misery and cravings always brought me to the same conclusion: Why am I trying to lose weight? Who says I have to? I don’t think I need to, so fuck this. I’m gonna make my way in life using brains, not looks. The rationalization of an addict.

Back to Taco Bell I went.

Given my independent, spiteful nature, I knew the only way to succeed this time was to give myself a reason to fight back against the temptation of eating for pleasure. So I gave myself a mental scrub down, admitted all my poor eating habits, looked at myself as a judgmental spectator, and dealt with my fear of death. If I don’t stop eating like a disgusting pig, I’m going to die. My ego can’t handle that. There are too many things I want to accomplish before I die, and I need as much time as I can get. My list of desired accomplishments does not include falling asleep with an empty chicken bucket in my lap. Who the fuck wants that?

What the hell is the point of obsessing over food, the fuel that allows us to enjoy the rest of what life has to offer? Just get it and go. I’ve spent my life standing at the gas pump while everyone else is out enjoying the drive.

Half done with week 4 of weight loss plan

NOTE: This post is long. However, if you’re on a weight-loss journey yourself and are interested in seeing my philosophy, I encourage you to read it. Additionally, if you’ve completed a long weight-loss journey yourself and would like to offer some tips, please read this post and point out any facts I’m missing.

—–

Sorry I haven’t updated in a while. I have a one-track mind. I’ve been on this diet/exercise kick for the past three weeks (see previous post), so my priorities have consisted of that and going to work. I even stopped working on my novel, which is pretty depressing.

BUT, I am losing weight! When I last posted, I said it was doubtful that exercise would be incorporated in my plan. After that post, I changed my mind and joined a gym. There’s a Snap Fitness close to my house, taking away most of my excuses for avoiding exercise. So I went in there and bought a six-month membership. This is my exercise plan:

Monday, Wednesday, Friday (gym days)
Treadmill: 20 minutes, 3 or 3.5 miles per hour, varying inclines between 0%, 2%, 3.5%, and 5%.
Chest Press: 2 sets, 10-15 reps
Leg Curls: 2 sets. 15-20 reps
Arm Curls: 2 sets, 10-15 reps
Leg Press: 2 sets, 15-20 reps
Ab Crunch: 2 sets, 25-30 reps

Tuesday, Thursday
1-mile walk/jog around the block

I have yet to complete a week sticking to this plan. The first week, I joined the gym mid-week and only worked out for two days. The second week, my wife’s father died and there was a lot going on, which gave me an easy excuse not to work out, though I managed to get one gym session in. Week three, I had a tight deadline to finish a project at work, leaving me mentally exhausted and leaving work at 7 p.m. each day. I got one gym session in. And now it’s week four. If I work out today, I am on track to complete my routine.

In addition to the exercise, I am sticking to a 1500-calories-a-day diet, consisting of fruit, smoothies, yogurt, wheat bread, chicken, tuna, wheat pasta, salads, oatmeal, and frozen healthy choice and weight watchers meals. So far, the diet has been fairly easy, which leads me to believe I am not doing something right.

I do cheat on the weekends. Instead of my usual eating routine, I sleep late and my wife and I head to the local bakery for the potato salad and soup or sandwich, or we might go out to a restaurant. Even so, I manage keep it under 3000 calories (usually less), and my body burns 3,500 calories a day just doing regular activities like driving, sleeping, eating, and watching TV, so I’d say this is a pretty good calorie deficit even on those cheat days. The exercise will supposedly activate my metabolism.

I joined SparkPeople.com as per my wife’s suggestion, and it has helped me track my calorie consumption pretty accurately. I do get frustrated that certain foods aren’t on there and I have to enter them manually, but overall it’s a useful tool. It’s much more convenient than creating an Excel spreadsheet that would end up becoming colossal before the end of the year.

Oh yeah, and I’m taking an ephedrine/caffeine/aspirin pill twice a day, except on weekends. Interestingly, I’ve cut my coffee consumption from 2-3 cups per day to 1-2 per week. It’s not entirely necessary, however, as I always drink it black or with Splenda.

The process is not without its challenges, and here are mine:

1. Conflicting Opinions — and I mean about everything. Spend a few hours Googling healthy diet plans, the meaning of calories, which type of foods are more important, whether carbs are good or bad, how many minutes of cardiovascular exercise “counts,” whether eating before exercise is beneficial or detrimental, whether caffeine hinders or stimulates fat loss, and so on. If you read enough articles, you might even be convinced that your best efforts are futile. My exercise routine is burning calories and getting my blood flowing, and my calories are lower and healthier. Four weeks ago, I was sedentary and eating fast food three times a week. Why wouldn’t my recent changes cause me to lose weight?

2. Exercise — This coincides with my weeks of reading conflicting opinions. I’m doing 20 minutes of cardio each day, getting my heart rate up to the 160bpm range, and then I go online to read that you have to do at least 30 minutes for it to count. What? Those calories I burned don’t count? I am not reaping the benefits of exercise because I haven’t quite hit the half-hour mark? On top of that, I’m doing weight training as described above, and I have no idea if I’m doing the right exercises. My muscles do feel tighter, so I guess there’s progress to be noted.

Douchebag who spends an entire afternoon in the gym as opposed to going to work.

3. Gym Rats/Meatheads — They are a minor annoyance for obvious reasons. They hog half of the gym just to check each other out in the mirror. I don’t like to say I’m an insecure person, but seeing these guys in the gym all day makes me less willing to go and try to better myself. I feel watched and silently judged; sometimes I want to jog a little on the treadmill but am reluctant to draw attention to myself. I thought about going in the morning, since that’s when most of the young professionals who just want to be fit choose to work out, but I just can’t wake up that early. I’ve tried and failed.

4. Independence — I don’t mind if my friends know that I’m trying to lose weight, and I don’t care if they make a conscious effort to choose a restaurant that has healthier options, but that’s where it should stop. I don’t need advice unless it’s from someone who personally overcame their obesity through diet and exercise. None of my friends fit that category, so I don’t want to be told what I should eat when there’s a menu in front of me; I don’t need to report to them my exercise progress or clarify whether a food I’m eating is within my self-alotted calories. I’ve always been independent when it comes to pursuing my goals. Even if I ask for advice, I always do what I think is best for me either through research or experience.

See challenge #1. Anything a friend tells me about dieting or exercising is simply one out of the dozens of opinions I’ve already read online. At worst, it’s terrible advice, and at best, it’s already been considered. I’ve quickly learned that when it comes to body image, everyone has a different agenda in mind. My goal is to slim down and try to reduce or eliminate my risks for obesity-related diseases and other complications. My friend’s goal might be to bulk up and look muscular or develop a swimmer’s body. There are countless diets for countless goals, and if an individual offers me advice based on his own goals, it’s going to frustrate both of us. Me, because it’s yet another conversation that requires me to nod, smile, and pretend to care; him, because he’ll quickly realize I have no intention of taking his advice, which, to him, is the only way I’ll reach my goal — never mind the fact that he doesn’t know my goal.

Are they the enemy?

5. Carbs — On a typical weekday, I’ll have some dry Total cereal and a 6-oz. container of nonfat Yoplait yogurt for breakfast. For a mid-morning snack, I’ll have a piece of fruit, either an apple, some grapes, a grapefruit, or a banana. For lunch, I have either a six-inch low-fat sub from subway, a weight watchers/healthy choice frozen meal, or a big green salad with tuna or chicken and fat free dressing. For an afternoon snack, I’ll have either flavored oatmeal or a special K protein bar. Dinner is about the same as lunch, and if I haven’t hit 1500 calories yet, I will have another snack, either low-fat popcorn, a special K protein bar, or PB&J on wheat.

If you know something about food, you’ll notice that pretty much every food I named has carbohydrates, some more than others. Some of those carbs come from sugars, like the flavoring in my yogurt and oatmeal and the Special K protein bar, and natural sugars like the fruit. Other carbs come from the pasta in the frozen meals and the whole grain breads I eat.  There are conflicting opinions about whether these carbs will hinder my weight loss. To generalize my findings on Google, personal trainers/body builders want me to say no to carbs, and doctors say half or more of my calories should come from carbs. Some studies say cutting carbs allowed obese patients to lose weight faster, while other studies suggest that a high-carb diet is better for weight loss because people who eat more carbs tend to consume fewer calories, which leads to the concept also touted by doctors/researchers that “a calorie is a calorie.” I translate this concept to: “A calorie is a calorie, as long as you aren’t wasting them on soda, candy, cake, and fried foods.” Please chime in if I’m wrong.

 6. The scale — I started out at 388-ish pounds when I first weighed myself, and when I weighed myself this morning, I was 379.6 pounds. I’ve lost about 8 pounds in three and a half weeks. Perhaps I’ve lost more, since I purchased the scale a week and a half into the weight loss plan. Technically, this weight loss is faster than what is recommended (1-2 pounds a week), but what concerns me is that I expected to drop a lot of initial water weight and then start burning fat at a rate of 1-2 pounds a week. This seems more like a steady loss, and I’m worried that it’s going to slow down drastically.

Overall, I would like to think that my path is a good one and that I will be 100 pounds lighter this time next year.

And I promise to update more frequently.

Weight Loss Attempt #984832408290

I’ve been overweight all my life. I was born fat, grew up fat, had a tumor removed from my thyroid when I was 9, stayed fat. After 23 years of being overweight, I’m still not completely OK with it. I always assumed I was naturally big, whether it was a birth defect or just my metabolism, or both — plus the fact that I don’t exercise. I’m not a sloth or anything, but I don’t hit the gym or do anything outside of my normal obligations and interests. I accepted the fact that with this lifestyle, I will never be in shape. But I would be lying if I said I want to be fat. I don’t think anyone wants to be fat. Most people — especially women — will simply come to a point where they tell themselves and others that there is nothing wrong with being overweight; it helps to deal with what they see as a failure to be thin.

But there is too much I want to accomplish before I die, so I need as much time as I can get.

When I was 16, before the Ephedra controversy, took Metabolife for 3 months. I drank weight loss shakes for lunch on most days, and ate whatever my mom cooked for dinner. I lost 30 pounds.

When school started, I stopped the diet altogether. Didn’t have time — I had band practice, homework, and a part-time job at Burger King. My parents stopped buying me the pills because the issues with Ephedra. Shortly after that I remember it being pulled from the shelves locally. I ate school lunches and would often eat dinner at work — 50% discount at Burger King. Obviously, I gained the weight back and then some. And the weight just kept coming on until college when I stopped growing. Still, losing weight in college I felt was impossible because of my schedule.

So, for the past 5 years I’ve been 6′2″ and wearing a 3XL shirt and size 46 pants (around my waist, not my stomach). I have no idea how much I weigh because scales generally don’t go that high.

Now, I’m not to the point where I’d have to buy two plane tickets, but there are two things about me that I’ve failed at changing for the last 23 years: I love to eat and I hate to exercise. I can make excuses about genes, thyroid problems, metabolism, etc., but the bottom line is that I go to fast food restaurants more than once a week, and when I get home from work I feed the dogs, cook dinner, watch TV, practice trombone, work on my novel, and go to bed. The most physical activity I get comes from playing trombone (which works up quite a sweat but doesn’t really increase my heart rate) and having sex with my wife.

Now that I am out of school and have a somewhat docile routine, I have started taking ephedrine twice a day and will start having weight loss shakes/meal bars/subway for lunch and cutting out fast food as much as I can. It helped me lose 30 pounds all those years ago, so I’m hoping I can accomplish that and more this time.

But will I exercise? To be honest, I doubt it, unless I miraculously gain the motivation to drop one of my daily activities to do something I hate to do.

Kidney stones and some other bitch is engaged…after 2 weeks of dating

Firstly, sorry I haven’t updated in a few days. I woke up Sunday morning in the worst pain I’ve ever been in. My wife drove me to the ER and it turns out I have a tiny kidney stone waiting to be pissed out of me. It’s still in there, but the pain isn’t as intense because it has made it to my bladder.

Believe me when I say that the pain I experienced for 4 1/2 hours on Sunday was absolute agony. There was no position in which I could sit, stand, or lie to feel better. No relief whatsoever until the nurse brought pain meds at noon. Women who’ve had kidney stones say it’s a toss-up between which is more painful: kidney stones or child birth.

But enough about me. There is some serious shit I have to show you.

One of my Facebook friends is engaged. No big deal there, right? Well, check this shit out.

Figure 1: The New Relationship. The pink paint-over signifies the girl in question, and the blue signifies the guy. Black signifies unrelated bystanders and other non-essential info. Notice that she entered this relationship on July 28, 2008. Good for her.

And now let’s move on…

Figure 2: The Acknowledgment. A couple of weeks later in August, she strikes up a conversation with a friend on Facebook. Red denotes the girl in question. You can see part of the conversation (sorry, the screenshot is cut off). Basically, her friend asks what will happen with her new boyfriend when she moves. She replies that they will go their separate ways and clarifies that it’s what they both want; they get to enjoy the euphoric stage of a new relationship when everything is fresh, hot, and conflict-free. According to her, it’s meant to be a casual fling. I admire her maturity in acknowledging the stages of a relationship and the unrealistic nature of long-distance love.

But wait!

Figure 3: Holy Shit. The girl in question is now engaged. Notice the relationship status change, as well as her most recent personal status update: “[girl] says yes.” Today = August 13, 2008, two days after acknowledging the imminent breakup.

Maybe there’s more to this?

Figure 4: Further Investigation. Now, I realized that it was possible that this guy only recently added Facebook and that they had been together for a long time before that. However, his mini-feed goes back to at least a month before they became “officially” a couple. This, in combination with the wall posts in Figure 2, pretty much tell me that they’ve been together for 16 days and are now engaged to be married.

She demonstrated an understanding of the infatuation stage of all relationships, and then completely fell victim to it in the worst way.

Please tell me this is a joke.

(*Disclaimer: I normally refrain from this level of Facebook stalking, but come on; this is fucked up.)